Take me to your sickening leader

I know I'm breaking Thing No. 20, but I always feel the need to share how much I love certain videos, in attempt for people to understand me better (eh). But more to the point, I love sharing the cultures I love so much ... and sometimes am jealous of?

Do I sometimes wish I were a drag queen? Absolutely.

Do I wish I could start incorporating new words and meaning for words into my daily lexicon, a bit like Cockney rhyming slang? Ugh, all the time.


Do I wish ... oh.


Things I Don't Miss
1. My long hair. Any of it. I love my short hair. And anyone who says women with short hair aren't and never will be attractive, I don't know you. I roll my eyes through the Internet at you. Good bye.
2. Eating meat. OK, maybe bacon and honey baked ham. But since I've stopped eating meat, and significantly lowering my cow-dairy intake, I don't feel like shit anymore. I could get into the squishy details, but this was a dietary choice, and I don't regret it. I feel better. Lots.
3. Gas stations. Where are they? I haven't seen a gas station in at least 2 months.
4. Flip flops. I'm not going to attempt to explain that one. Personal thing, I think.

I made corn muffins today and put some sriracha in it. Be jealous.

Lastly, since Chris has started his kung fu training, and I'm training in French foil, we think 2012 will be the year of the freelance assassin.

WHERE AM I

I know it's been too long when I have to look at my Google calendar to see what I've been doing for the last 4 and a half months. Needless to say, since my return from Chicago, things have not been conducive to consistent blogging. Forgive the lack of pics this issue. You can handle it.

In addition to Chicago, add Boston to places I like to visit, although I haven't been able to explore as much of Boston as I'd like. Chris and I have visited twice in the last couple of months for shows and friend time, and we've always had a great time. The Smokey Bear Cave is a great basement venue and everyone's always so friendly and supportive. I would venture to say that a third of the audience has their own artistic project going on, whether it be music and the like, so the line between audience member and performer is blurred in a way that I've never experienced. Way more inclusive and fun, I think. We're not too cool to move around.

After the 10% Wet Tour in the summer, anticipate more Mr. Transylvania shows, teaming up with Guerilla Toss, etc. East Coast, mark your calendars for JAAAANUARY.

This year I volunteered for the IFC's DOC NYC film festival again, and it was even more spectacular than last year, it's very first year. I saw Paula Zahn and thought it was Mary Hart, I saw Malik Yoba, and saw the doc Jay Reatard: Better Than Something. Great week of great stories. kthxbye

I started fencing again! I'm so excited! I've resolved to train at least twice a week until the end of time, or I have to move away or something. However, the only thing I've noticed about not having a car. You have to wear and carry everything you'll need for the day. Food, equipment, extra clothes. I have to carry all of it around the city, depending on the day's activities. Add onto that a cold, wintry climate, and some asthma, and I'm exhausted once it's time to train. I know that New York was the worst place to move to if I had respiratory problems, but obviously idontcare.com

SPEAKING OF ASTHMA. I'd always wanted to try acupuncture and alternative medicine since I don't have health insurance and really don't anticipate receiving any soon. I don't want to get into that aspect, though. That could last fo-evaaaa. I've gone to acupuncture twice now and found the experience to be really positive, and I have felt relief from some of my symptoms and primary concerns. I also started using herbs recommended by the herbalist(s) I spoke with to help ease some of my symptoms. No more burny lungs!

I went to Florida real quick for an early Thanksgiving and visited all my family in north Florida. I also had my first vegetarian Thanksgiving, tried making flourless chocolate cake, and vegetarian sloppy Joe's. GREAT WORK, EVERYONE.

HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN TO VERMONT?? If not, you are missing the fuck out. We were visiting a friend from college for the weekend, and we were able to stay in a relatively small town southeast of Burlington. FUCKING GORGEOUS, BRO. We learned about Rusty DeWees, cemeteries, syrup, downtown Winooski, the waterfront. I'm hoping when it's spring/summer, we can go back to hike the Camel's Hump. Amazing hospitality. Bam.

Guys, guys, guys, look at my sandals--NO, look at my bangs. Hi.

Chicago

I've been in Chicago for the last 3.5 weeks workin' on a movaaaay. Wednesday's our last day of principal photography.

We've really enjoyed Chicago. We, meaning myself and my life-partner Chris. We've really enjoyed the city, its people, and the different shit we've eaten along the way. (Kuma's Corner, Billy Goat, Chicago Pizza & Oven Grinder Co., Margie's Candies, El Mezcal, Nueva Leon, etc., etc.)

Oh, and we rode a water taxi.

The neighborhood we've been staying in has a prolific mural-man. Intensely photo-realistic with faces, but then incredibly surreal environments. There's a church around the corner that has a second-hand sale every Saturday. The stoops by the apartment are almost always selling things.

Crap tons of amazing food, that isn't over-priced. The rent here is obscene(ly cheap). The thrift stores aren't totally picked over. Everything isn't so cramped. There are so many opportunities here, expression-wise. The bus drivers actually talk to us, sometimes without us SAYING HELLO FIRST! It's just a pleasant change, while also technically living in a big city.

We heading back to Brookyln at the end of the month, so we're hoping to catch a museum or two, more record-stores-but-also-arcades-in-the-back establishments.

Chicago: You won't be seeing the last of us.

I can't wait to get back to my own bed, though. I hear it's molten lava in Brooklyn, but I don't care. I've got some art-ing/work/walking to do when I get back.

Eureka!

Been having a lot of friend time with the ladies in m' life before I head to Chicago in July. Another film's comin' up, so I'm trying to get some art projects and quality time in before I jump into a blood-glitter-green-screen-succubus world. Of love.

I saw Herzog's "Cave of Forgotten Dreams," in 3D. I feel like this film was one of the rare times in which 3D was actually necessary. Chauvet Cave is mostly white from the 10,000+ year build-up of calcium. I also learned that there was such a thing as a CAVE BEAR. And cave lions. Needless to say the big draw is that 1) there are some rull cool (and old-ass) cave drawings in there and 2) NO ONE is allowed in there. Even the people of the film allowed in there had to walk on a steel runway all the way through the cave. There's a steel door that keeps the only entrance to the cave a matter of worldwide security. The French are very protective of this effing cave. If you get the chance to see this documentary, do it. Documentary skull explosion.

Alexander McQueen's exhibit "Savage Beauty" featured at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, was also equally baller. Granted, we decided to go on a rainy Saturday in the middle of the day. I didn't have a printer and didn't know about WILL CALL here, so I stood in line with the rest of the world. Then we stood in line for at least an hour ... just to see this exhibit.

But it was worth it. The entire exhibit, which was way larger than I imagined, featured some of McQueen's actual work as well as those working for/under/in conjunction with him: a lot of gimp masks, burlap mohawk headpieces, not to mention a leather leotard with shoulder pads of ... no, no, on TOP of the shoulders were alligator heads. On TOP. The exhibit's been extended until August, I think, and the website is very accurate in what you can expect to see at ze museum.
I've been art-ing again! Yes! And listening to tons of girl groups from the '60s. I'm working on this animation based on this dream I had a few years ago. And I'm also working on a canvas for the first time. I'll post that shit when it's ready.

After an impatient bout of anti-motivation, I'm feeling way more energetic about producing work and making things that make me happy. The spark? I made a typed-out list of all the things I wanted to finish/get back to. I'm like Pootie Tang when he gets "re-ju-VENATED."

k bye

Ah, that's better

Updates! Remember those assholes I told you about who were raising funds for movies? Guess what. ALL THREE made their financial goals, so thanks to you other assholes for helping them/me/us out! Production for "Doctor Glamour" has finished, and now NKB is working to make all that green screen disappear and distorted reality appear. Here are some thumbnails of what it it will look like in, say, 6 months' worth of post production visual effects MADNESS. BEHOLD AND TREMBLE.
We're all really proud and excited at what we managed to accomplish with 7 people in 8 days, plus 6 extras. Feel free to check out hi-res versions of these at ze NKB blog.

I've been dreaming of the day I can start my fencing training again! So much so, that I crafted my own fencing target to satiate my need for practice before I start classes again.
I wish I could have found upholstery foam fast enough, but four layers of cork board should do just fine (hence the squarish shapes underneath). Yeah, I hammered all those upholstery brads and the nails in the back, and cut and hand-sewed that leather piece in the middle for better durability. The frame is just a wooden circle that's supposed to be for clock-making. The fabric looks a bit like soft snakeskin, because as you know -- I'M CLASSY.

Have you guys heard the new Beastie Boys album?? It's the tits.

Things I'm watching/have watched recently:
Oz, Season 3
Battlestar Galactica, Season 1, like the one from 2003, not like. You know.
Dead Alive
Monkey Shines
Twin Peaks, all of it
The Funhouse
Europa, Europa

MMMManimals

One evening on my way home, as I strolled through the hallway to my apartment, I saw small movement by the door frame of another apartment.

"Probably just a frog," I thought.

No. Mouse.

So began my "I miss nature/animals" thought. I only see dogs on the street, on leashes. I only see cats in windows ... or at my friends' place farther up the avenue.

Rats, mice, cockroaches -- that is my nature now.

A girl my age in the apartment one floor below me has a bird. I hate birds. I'm not alone in this campaign against pet birds because I once saw a Post-It note on her door that read something like "This building does not allow dogs or cats for a reason. Please keep your bird quiet."

So, I find nature elsewhere; usually, on a movie screen. Recently I saw "Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives" and "The Montreal Girl." Both featured a big animal of some kind, ox-related or cow-related, respectively. And I admit that I couldn't take my eyes off of them.

"MMMM ANIMALSSSSS," I thought, but not in a get-in-my-belly way.

Tuesday marked six months of living here, which is twice as long as I lived in LA. Progress!

My friends need our money -- Finale

Holy lord, what a gaggle of filmmakers have we!

In order chronologically:

Doctor Glamour -- Andrew Jones -- Shooting in April! -- Los Angeles
(short film)

reBirth -- Sean Heyboer -- Shooting in May! (I think!) -- Florida
(teaser for promotion of production of the FEATURE!)

Video Diary of a Lost Girl -- Lindsay Denniberg -- Shooting in July! -- Chicago
(feature film for the School of the Art Institute of Chicago's grad school program)

Just letting you guys in on what my Facebook feed looks like these days. And I wish I could give them everything I owned, if only I didn't need it so badly myself.

One day! When I've the booty to squander on the likes of artistic expression, rest assured that the nation, NAY!, the UNIVERSE will tremble before my philanthropy.

Yeah, dig it. Don't worry. My blog has not turned into merely a billboard to help my hippie friends make their "mooovies." I'll be back to bitching and regaling you with minutiae from my life in no time.

God, how are you?? I feel like we haven't talked in forever. Updates, plz.

I'm an ADULT

Been doin' a lot of "adulty" things since I'm an independent ladaaaaay.

But, having busy friends and being alone most of the week, it's hard to do any substantial things without a car or an extra set of man-arms. Ikea trips have to be spread-out and frequent. Grocery store trips have to be focused and list-centric.

I'm trying to figure how to tie together items with twine and innovation so that I may carry my wares like a baby through a crowded village. Ex. Picture frames, unassembled chairs, desks, or bookcases.

Despite the obvious inconvenience and soul-crushing crowds, I've learned more about my body. I know what I can carry on my back -- a lot more than what I can carry with my arms. I've learned to gauge how long I'll have to carry things on how many modes of transport -- one train transfer or one shuttle bus and one train?

This probably sounds really complicated and you may be thinking "And that's why I have a CAR, and YOU'RE an idiot." To that I say, "Is this where you wanna be when Jesus comes back -- makin' fun o' poor little ol' Joe Dirt?"

In other news, Never Knows Best Productions' upcoming short "Doctor Glamour" is gaining steam in the "raising funds" department. For those who have donated, holy lord thank you so much!!! For those who can't, we still love you with all the fibers of our human parts. For those who are still on the fence, you have 24 days left! Any amount is welcome, whatever ye can spare. We've managed to raise 41% of our goal in three weeks that will help us eat and pay for our equipment rental!

P.S. At work I get nervous and anxious, so my stomach makes unspeakable noises all day long. My cube neighbors must think I'm always hungry or always about to release the most heinous fart known to man.

It's a struggle I live with every day. First-world problem. Real talk.

need.more.coffee.

I'm going to get this out of the way and then continue on with the drivel you SO MUCH ENJOY. AAHAHAHAHAH!

Here's an update on one of the films I blogged about quite a whilez ago. I'm in it! Hey, how 'bout that! We're going to start shooting mid-April in Los Angeles for 10 days or so. Here's the problem, though: $$$$. Yeah, you got it. Never Knows Best Productions has a pledge drive goin' on until March 25. The page is actually pretty awesome. A $10 donation gets you a copy of the finished product, and $25 gets you that AND a "Thanks" in the ending credits. Granted, if you're one of those people who takes baths in Hamiltons, feel free to donate more. Feel free to e-mail me if you have questions or blah blah blah BLAAAH. End.

I've been doing some writing lately, mostly music reviews for Ink 19. I've noticed that when I get an album I really can't stand, I find it harder to write. I try to write about it as objectively as I can, and weigh both sides of a claymation death match between "I really hated this," and "But some people eat this shit up, for real." When I first started doing it, I decided not to do any research on the bands prior to this specific and treat it as a standalone piece, but after a while -- MEEHHHH, sometimes I need to look up the MySpace page.

Freelance work is also starting to bubble up, which is fine. I like being busy, but I've started a new sleep schedule to combat the Home-After-Work Coma. Starting now, I wake up at 5am during the week, so I can watch movies, make things, read, write.

BEEEEES!

Busy, that is.

"So many things to do in the lab, so many things to do..."

It's been a crazy 3 1/2 months. I think mostly because I've been telling my neuroses to go S a B of Ds. I have a thing about crowds, strangers, talking to people, or calling strangers on the phone.

• I volunteered at the Gay Experimental Film Festival, DOCNYC at the IFC Center, and now consistently help with installation/de-installation/calming the mob with treats at the WAH Center in Brooklyn during its exhibitions.
• I interviewed a director of marketing at a credit union for an article I wrote for a website -- badly. I was so nervous and awkward and sweaty.
• As part of a personal side project, I stood in Times Square with a blindfold, ear plugs, nose plugs and a mouthful of Anbesol.

Because it's time I grew out. Not "up" in the sense of being an adult, because what does being an "adult" mean? Does it mean buying a house? Getting married? Reproducing? Acquiring an animal?

No, we know this. You don't have to be a mature human being to be approved for a mortgage, join a sperm with an egg or pick up a free cat from an ad you saw on Craigslist.

I'm growing out. Out into the world like an octopus. Or like that horrifying creature in Phantoms. Yay for personal exploration!