"Quit Playin' Games With My Heart"

A friend of friend of mine named Adam Smith is an incredible writer and thinker and person. An article he wrote for Relevant Magazine was particularly interesting and truthful across social circles, transcending (is that the right word?) the Christian community. It's called "Quit Playing Games with My Heart." I suggest you read it at your leisure and filter out what you don't feel applies to you, since it is a bit Christian-specific. I know there's going to be some bitchers in the audience. The reader's comments are worth the read for the anthropological research alone.

No, I'm not religious whatsoever, but I like to observe how other people choose to live and experience a different social circle, etc. That's why this article hit home for so many of us, religious or not.

Every tight-knit circle commits what I like to call "social incest." Everybody dates everybody. Sloppy seconds, thirds. There's that one girl who's dated every guy in your circle and vice versa. You know who she is. You know her by name and your eyes compulsively roll when you hear about her newest "beau." We have one or a bunch in every group.

In the community that Adam spoke of, there was a lot of black-and-white standards being held. You couldn't be talking to anyone of the opposite sex, lest you be marked as "dating," "engaged" or worse. And some of the members would blow through the dating pool like a Midwest tornado, leaving heartbreak and pain in his/her wake. I'm sure this doesn't just apply to only this community.

One point he made that was really cool for me: We need to engage in better platonic relationships. We need to be content being single before we embark on a "search"to find the perfect person for us. We need to treat each other better. Again, I don't think that's just applicable to any single community.

Bitches.

The end of that conversation

My lady co-workers are wonderful. I'm lucky to have these ladies in my life. They're hilarious, quick-witted, beautiful, and all the things a working professional lady should be. Oh, and with the mouths and minds of sailors. Mmmyes.

But the three of them are married/engaged. And they would really like it if I started dating dudes at work. They would really like it if I started dating at all, but preferably someone chosen and approved by them.

No.

No, I will not.

I will not do this thing that will fill you with such excruciating joy.

Yes, people date. Sometimes they go on blind dates set up by friends, they go on the Internet and use Web sites that evaluate their personalities via mathematical algorithms and match them with compatible people. A couple of my friends have done this and have met people the old-fashioned way -- frat parties. Half the time it works and lasts, the other half of the time, they're getting drunk texts that result in "UR LOSS, ASHOLE/BICH!!11!!!"

Do I have an interest in doing any of these things?

Nope. Sir, I do not. And, yeah, I know that's not an acceptable answer. But I'm at a point in my life in which I do not desire to "put myself out there," to get out there and "meet people," people meaning dudes. Don't want.

The lady co-workers tease me when I blush, which is literally on the hour. Especially when it's induced by a nice-looking fellow that happens to be walking to the bathroom.

They wanted to know what guys I found attractive and anyone that knows me can attest that that would take DAAAAYS. DAAAAAAYS... I find lots of different, arguably weird, things attractive.

But here goes.

And that's just the most rigid I can get with outsides. But I've always been pretty flexible. Don't even get me started about the insides of people that I find attractive, though. So, there, THERE IT IS. If you happen to find this kind of person, keep him away from me. I want nothing to do with him right now.

I don't hate you, I just hate the phone

I really hate using the phone. Whether it be the landline at work (from which I get random calls from people on a conference call looking for customer service, whoa, what's up), to the landline at my place of residence, to my cell phone. I hate using the phone.

If you've been on the phone with me for longer than 10 minutes, you get the special prize, you're special, and you're great. Thank you. It's just that fucking phone.

The primary reason I hate the phone is because my phone gets the most piss-poor reception in the house. I have to be completely outside the house, in my car, or on the porch, or on the sidewalk to conduct muh bidness. If I'm visiting family in High Springs, I don't count on getting signal whatsoever for the duration of the visit. I've noticed that my phone works SO HARD to find a signal either at home or in High Springs, that I have to charge my phone twice as often. Goo.

When I finally do get reception, after about 15 minutes, I sound like this to the person on the other end.



"CALL LOST" is probably the most excruciating, infuriating shortened phrase of all time in the history of the g.d. universe.

Then if there's no real reason to continue talking on the phone, I get antsy "All right, well, I guess I'll talk to you later. Oh? No? You'd like to sit in silence while I keep pulling the phone from my ear, checking whether or not the call's been lost yet? Oh... 'kay."

Obligatory sigh into the phone that sounds like wind in the receiver. Mouth wind.

UPDATE: 10 reasons to avoid talking on the phone

You're just a guy, and I'm just a girl

To some people, I will never be good enough.

You will never be good enough.

None of us will ever be good enough.

Until I have $100,000 in laddered CDs, until I have a mortgage, until I have a doctorate. I won't be a woman until I have a baby, I won't be a contributing member of society until I have a 401(k), until I get married, until I file jointly with said spouse.

It's the same thing with relationships, but take this into consideration. Ladies, this dude is not here to save you. He's not in your life to solely make you happy. You are in charge of making you happy.

And vice versa, chumps. She's not there to be your mother, she's not there to make all your meals and make your decisions for you. That's your job.

She's just a girl, and you're just a dude.

Like in Donald Miller's lackluster "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" he talks about an interview he did with Susan Isaacs for her book "Angry Conversations with God" (simmer, simmer, that's not where this is going). With her husband sitting in the audience, she said she didn't believe there was one true love for every person. Enter the block quote party:

"She said she and her husband believed they were a cherished prize for each other, and they would probably drive any other people mad. ... She said she had married a guy, and he was just a guy. He wasn't going to make her problems go away, because he was just a guy. And that freed her to really love him as a guy, not as an ultimate problem solver. And because her husband believed she was just a girl, he was free to really love her too. Neither needed the other to make everything okay. They were simply content to have good company through life's conflicts."

That's not to say that those people "settled" or that they "gave up," they just know that neither one of them is perfect.

We need to stop trying to put the pussy on a pedestal and realize we're all a bunch of "dysfunctional misfits" to quote Stella in "Rear Window." Excellent movie, if only for Grace Kelly's outfits and her scaling a building in a dress and heels so effortlessly.

Facetiously,
big p/p-hound/titties/ey, girl/cil/silly/little p/manbear/l'il bit/p

P.S. Thanks, Michelle McGee, for making the tattooed look like a bunch o' butter-faced home-wreckers.

Also, here's a picture of a fancy gent. The end.

"Sound and Fury"

(Hey, unrelated, but DanCoolo's going to play at the LA Comedy Shorts Film Festival. Party time, excellent.)

Is being deaf really a disability? It depends on who you talk to. The hearing world may see being deaf as a handicap, a defect, something to fix. The deaf community could not disagree more.

In my Comp 2 class, we were asked to write an essay reacting to the Deaf President Now student protest of 1988 that occurred in Washington D.C. at Gallaudet University, THE liberal arts university for the deaf and hard of hearing. It was this article that taught me about the Deaf community. I urge you to read about it at your leisure. 'Tis fascinating.

Yesterday I saw the documentary "Sound and Fury," (available for viewing in the Instant Queue on Netflix, dig it) which was nominated for an Oscar for Best Doc in 2001. Two brothers, borne of hearing parents -- one hearing, one deaf -- fight about whether or not to give their children cochlear implants so that they might be able to hear.



In the eyes of the Deaf community, they're not broken. They are not meant to be "fixed" with cochlear implants. They're perfectly functioning human beings in the world. Why fix something that isn't broken? By giving a child a cochlear implant, the parents are effectively robbing the Deaf community of another member of its group. That child will most likely never learn to sign and never fully understand or accept their deafness, their deaf identity.

The hearing world sees this as abuse. That by NOT giving a child a cochlear implant, they are restricting interaction, potential for great success, and the ability to communicate with the hearing world.

Here, I'll ruin it for you: The hearing brother has twin babies -- one hearing, one deaf. They give the son who is deaf the cochlear implant. The deaf brother, whose wife and three children are deaf, moves his family from Long Island, N.Y. to Maryland where the deaf population is significantly more concentrated. Each feels he is doing what is best for his family.

The cochlear implant is an intensely taboo subject. Similarly, the process of "limb lengthening" is highly controversial, especially among those born with dwarfism. Dwarfism is genetic and not a medical problem. This community doesn't feel "broken, in need of fixing."

Edit: Sound and Fury: 6 Years Later catches up with the families. The family that moved to Maryland moved back to Long Island and all three of their children received cochlear implants, as did countless members of their extended family.

Did the deaf community lose more members or are people who maybe once felt isolated now finding more opportunities in the hearing world?

Three new videos are up

Until I find time to fiddle with the code for this template, I'm not going to embed any videos here, just links. I'd much rather you see them in proper dimensions elsewhere than cut off and useless here.

I made three videos this week:

The Most Brutal Love Story Ever
password: masculinechinchilla

Stop! Chuppah Time!
no password

The Brand New Barabases
password: 100nonhumangiants

And if you don't want to watch my videos, check these out:
Celeste Boursier and her art things. They're pretty great.

Ratatat's "Mirando"

This cat loves the theremin.

Why I lurve my Sunpass

Well, more specifically, the people that work for Sunpass. For those that don't live in/come from Florida, there are several highways and what-have-yous that require a periodic toll during travel: Osceola Parkway, Florida's Turnpike, the 408, the 417, the 528, you get the idea. You have the option of the O-Pass for commuting or the Sunpass for deep-sea travel. The Sunpass is farther reaching, so bangarang, on we go.

I'll share two of my favorite conversations. The first was when I was in my last year at UCF, I'd run out of funds and had tried to hide the Sunpass from the laser robots, but they took the toll anyway (If you're curious, this is what happens and why I'm paranoid about it). I called them, told them I had a new car, explained the sitch:

Mr. Sunpass: Would you like to switch to automatic replenish so it doesn't happen again?
Me: Yeah, that's probably a great idea.
(We do the needful.)
Mr. Sunpass: Would you also like me to mail you a new polarized bag, free of charge?
Me: Yes, actually, that would be awesome.
Mr. Sunpass: Sure, I'll go ahead and do that for you. You know, I had a Corolla once.
Me: ... Yeah?
Mr. Sunpass: Yep! But then I totaled it.
Me: ... Oh.
Mr. Sunpass: ... Anyway. Is there anything else I can do for you?

The second conversation I had just this past weekend. I'm pretty sure I flew through that first toll because that Sunpass flashed red at me. At 5:42pm on a Friday, I call them. Yeah, I'm that girl. I want ANSWERS. So I stay on hold for five minutes until a young lady answers. I'm flying down Florida's Turnpike at 70+ mph with a phone in one hand and the steering wheel and a Sunpass betwixt the other, reading off the 12-digit transponder number. I don't tell her this. What a boner shrinker that would have been. I won't transcribe the conversation, but my battery was good (which they're able to check on THEIR computer system) and my balance was good. HMMM.

In any case, we figured I'd just continue flying through the tolls, hoping for the solid green and the happy beep noise. She also sent more adhesive so I could put the transponder back on my windshield. It fell off long ago and started to stink like a Fourth of July arm-wrestling contest, so I kept in one of the Corolla's many compartmentables. My additional adhesive came in the mail today. For freesies. Why was this one of my favorites? Because our speech was that of college roommates trying to find the mystery smell in the apartment, us on our respective ends of the phone saying "Hmm, maybe it's ... hmm" and then mutually agreeing "Ehh. Screw it, gun it, I'll send you some more velcro."

I think I enjoy that gentle courtesy because in my mind, I imagine them walking to a supply closet, handpicking the adhesive/polarized bag, selecting a Sunpass-stamped envelope, printing out my address label, and then they themselves licking the envelope and sending it on its way.

It's what I imagine, don't ruin the fantasy.

This is not my surrender

Working in the corporate world is addicting, enticing, and comfortable.

I had a taste of "Will I work tomorrow?" for a while and I hated the insecurity and uncertainty of whether I'd be supporting myself comfortably that month. Having a steady, full-time position, (almost!) ensures a paycheck at least every two weeks and it's (almost!) always the same amount every time. But outside the corporate world, one day I could work eight hours and get $64 before taxes, but the next could be an 12-hour day with a wardrobe bump for a whopping $109 before taxes. Daggum!

Some have the insatiable thirst for moving up a corporate ladder. Climbing those Armani-lined rungs, expanding those vague "businessy" skills, and maybe getting a 3% raise at the end of the year gets some people out of bed in the morning and into those Kohl's slacks and tie. I could be "background talent" for three years and never "earn" anything more unless I paid the $2k to join a union. And even then, there's not a guarantee I'll get anything bigger or better. Then starts the "I need an agent/casting director to love me" dance.

And so I'll admit it, at some point, the corporate world becomes comfortable. You start bringing in pictures of your life partner, you set your desktop background to your daughter's first birthday and your ass slowly starts to widen and melt into your swively desk chair, because your job has become your life. And g.d. it if you don't love it for just an instant.

I'm not saying I've given up. By no means. It's just that now I can understand how easy it would be to do it.
------------------------
Found a list of the top 16 dystopian books of all time. I've read a bunch of these, but still would like to explore the rest. Read any of 'em? I dare say that I do enjoy a dystopian novel or two.

Would you like to learn a new skill or hone a current one? I'd love to investigate this list.

Looking for a book? Apparently there are over 200 places to find books online. But are they the "good ones"?

Finally, this is Darwin Deez's "Radar Detector"

I did not know that

1. What is formspring.me?
"Send and receive anonymous questions, and learn more about people you find interesting by following their answers." It looks like another FarmVille attack on Facebook. I don't think the concept would work the other way around. At least not in America where individualism is dominant -- me, me, me and what I want is more important than you. I'd much rather listen than share. It's like pulling teeth to get anything out of me.

2. Who are Jedward?
Irish twins called John and Edward. They're from UK's "X-Factor." They're weird and awful. They covered "Ice Ice Baby" and I don't feel good about it. Here's a link to their audition on the show. Ugh.

3. Who is Lee Pace?
This is Lee Pace.
He graduated from Julliard, played Calpernia Addams in "Soldier's Girl" and the list goes on and on. So you can guess I've got a lot of items to add to the Queue. Jesus.

4. How did they (insert effect) in "Anti-Christ"? (Spoiler, totally)
Porn actor doubles, a mold of the porn actress's vagina, the Phantom V4, over 80 shots of computer-generated imagery and 4,500 man hours from associates in Poland (4,000) and Sweden (500).

In other news:
Frank DanCoolo: Paranormal Drug Dealer has been accepted as an official selection at Toronto's International World of Comedy Film Festival this weekend. Next weekend: Gasparilla Film Festival in Tampa. I won't be able to attend. It also landed an article at Cinema Suicide. That's a good thing.

I needed to start keeping a list of the passwords and videos, just in case. Of what, I don't know.
I play the glockenspiel - glock
My Incredibly Captivating Life - sandwichparty
I'm in the car a lot. - businesstime
Jill's Bachelorette Weekend - fishmonkey
I went on a cruise. - dramamine
It was my birthday. - skyscrapers
I still play the glockenspiel. - rachmaninoff
Saccharine - cavitysearchandseizure