"I can't promise you that. No one can."

For an hour yesterday I was writing a rant on the subject of "dating" or whatever our generation calls it. It was paragraph after paragraph of revelations I'd heard from others while recounting my own experiences and those I'd been subjected to indirectly via Facebook status updates. It was passionate and funny in the caustic way, if I do say so myself.

Then I went home and watched "(500) Days of Summer."

I deleted the entire rant. Because everything that I'd written had been addressed in the movie in one way or another. Except that whole idea about soul mates which is, to me, the idea that souls in the universe are split in two and then sent to earth to find each other and then reunite in "heaven" as one soul. But I think sometimes a soul is split into many, many different pieces and it takes a few lifetimes to find all the right ones. And then sometimes the soul isn't split at all, and exists on earth as one complete soul already. Anyway.

What I'm realizing more and more is that there are TONS of people out there that are similar to me, that share my weird beliefs and aspirations, and that have fascinations with facial hair (g.d. hipsters) or something similar. There are a lot of people that geek out about the same shit and that's a comforting thought. I may not be a unique and special snowflake, but at least I'm not alone.

Here's some shit I found this week:

All engineers are terrorists: I'm watchin' you, Dad.

I want to eat this house.

The extended edition

A Lady Gaga fan should enjoy this, closeted or out-and-proud. And if you don't love this song, you're a g.d. Communist.


Since I got ze Netflix, I've been an unabashed hermit. On that note, here's a cursory re-cap of the movies I've eaten since Christmas Eve:

1. "Visioneers": Like a better, more accessible and more intimate "Idiocracy," Zach is actually a pretty good in this one, Judy Greer is always a joy, and Mia Maestro ... mmm. I'm sorry, what were we talking about?
2. "Half Nelson": Was it just me or was Ryan Gosling throwing sexual tension at every vagina on-screen? I gave it 4/5 stars overall.
3. "Man On Wire": Excellent documentary about the Frenchman that walked a tightrope between the Twin Towers in the '70s. What a storyteller and what a well-made doc. Ugh, so refreshing and compelling. Beautiful, exquisite work.
4. "Motorcycle Diaries": Yes, I managed to avoid seeing this one until now. Mia Maestro ... mmm. I'm sorry what were we talking about?
5. "Sin Nombre": Super intense, definitely not one to be missed, honestly.
   
6. "Silent Light": A bit masturbatory in its execution and gimmicky. I get it, they're all nonprofessional actors from an actual Mennonite community. I get it, the director likes slow rhythms, long shots, and long, slow takes. I get it. But that doesn't mean I particularly liked it. Here's what a bunch of more-qualified folks had to say about "Silent Light."
7. "Rachel Getting Married": Shot mostly hand-held, so take that as you will. I felt no sympathy for any of the characters, except maybe for the groom. However, despite all of that, I gave it 4/5 stars. 'Cause I'm suckerrrr.
8. "Let the Right One In": The front cover is right -- "The Best. Vampire Movie. Ever." I mean, yeah, pretty much. Seriously, find it, watch it, eat up its Swedish goodness.
   

I'll try not to dominate this thing with cursory reviews, unless one just blows the brains out of the back of my skull.

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I really need a Tumblr or Twitter or whatever to house all the weird shit I find.

"But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship
Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them"

I think this would be my Halloween costume for next year. If I were a genius. Are you genius? Drop me a line so we can. Make. This. Happen.

Listen: Homeless Man Covers Radiohead

A list of the Best Songs of 2009. I still need to go through all of these, because I'm already skeptical: Scarlett Johansson's on it.

These are always hilarious: http://www.okcupid.com/the-dating-persona-test

corny-ass shit

Endurance is one of the most difficult disciplines, but it is to the one who endures that the final victory comes. - Buddha

"You play ball like a GIRL!"

Jill's Bachelorette Weekend from Priscilla on Vimeo.

Password: fishmonkey

I just returned from my first bachelorette party. We all convened at Anna Maria Island, west of Bradenton. It's a small island with lots of little stores or what I think Adrienne referred to as "hinky stores." It's mostly a beer and wine island, so you need to bus it all in. The beach/bay thing was about a block away. Yada, yada, yada.

It was surprisingly amazing. I hate to say it, but when I think of eight women all getting together in a 3/3 beach house for a weekend with lots of alcohol, I cringe. Then again, we’ve never been the stereotypical girls. So we decided to get pretty, irritate the locals, and drink tons of beer. However, we did play the obligatory "Pin The Kiss On The Crotch," wear candy jewelry and utilize the ol' hair crimper from the days of yore.

This weekend was really important, not just for Jill transitioning into the next chapter of her life, but because the ladies and I also had some super-corny, righteous, lady-bonding time. Including the most epic game of "Never Have I Ever" in the history of the world and lots of walking from the beach house to our handful of destinations.

I was the youngest. As per usual. In both academics (that effing "art" bachelor's of mine is essentially useless these days haha) and life pursuits/experiences. Needless to say I have a substantial checklist appended to my current to-do list.

The last twelve months have been clunky, intense, and humbling. I don't regret a thing, but I know what I need to do next year. Now I'm going to live for myself, for once I'm going to be selfish, and I'm not going to bend over backward to please everyone I meet so they'll like me. This 2010 thing is looking delicious, I'll say that. First on the list, I'm going on a cruise for New Year's. I wish you could come and rage with me and Janine.

Then 2010 is as follows:

January -- New York for my birthday

February -- Los Angeles for a wedding

March -- Gainesville for a wedding

June -- London/Paris holiday

I'm also trying to get back into freelance proofreading in my free time. I've got plans and I'm ready to run myself ragged to accomplish them.

And now, Kid Cudi:

The cute disease

Some human beings are destined to be just "the friend." Certain men are perpetually stuck in "friend mode" and particular women are in chronic "sister status." There's that one guy friend we ladies have that we consider our brother, our partner, the penis we cry to when another penis made us start the crying. We know that guy friend will never get any play from us. He's stuck in "friend mode." Same goes for specific kinds of girls. And any "Pick-Up Artist" fan can tell you, being kept in "friend mode" is AWWWKWARD.

Along this vein, I thought I might talk about the cute disease.

(The bit at 2:13 is the point.)



Although presented by a flippant and hilarious vehicle like "The Kids in the Hall," the idea that "the cute as a species" have an expiration date for cuteness is sound and very effing real, people.

But it's a double-edged sword, being cute. Cute people aren't taken seriously. Zooey Deschanel couldn’t be the editor-in-chief of a national newspaper or even the manager of an Express store. She's too damn cute. Imagine Elijah Wood as a cutthroat trial lawyer. You can't. 'Cause it'll never happen.

Faithful blog followers, if you thought my erratic sleep patterns were due to the fact that I've moved six times in the last 13 months -- LIES! I'm dreading the day I'm no longer cute. And then I'll just be "nice." Commence to vomit party. Some people can grow out of the cute gracefully, while others. Meh.



All right, I don't know about that last one.

With all that being said, I think if Yelle wasn't Europe's version of cute, she wouldn't be able to do what she does best: Talk about pubes on a record.

P.S. Here are some pictures from the short film I mentioned a few posts ago. The first eight or so pages are of us: Behold the magnificent Dan Reid.

The latest earworm

An update before I hibernate

This Monday we started shooting a UCF capstone thesis. It's seven days to shoot 15 pages. It's tentatively called "My So-Called Guardian Angel" and I'm super proud and excited to be a part of it. I'm the principal, so I'm in about 13 of the 15 pages, or something.

I was wrapped today at 1:30pm for the day after having a call time of 1:30pm YESTERDAY. Yeah, it happens. Granted, professional sets would NEVER allow for such long hours, but come on, live it up! When's the next time I'll be able to say I was conscious for 30 hours straight making movies? Psh. Hey, Dream Job, what's up?

Although I am completely delirious at this point, I'm incredibly swollen with excitement, pride, and all sorts of intangible things. Yeah, I have huge bruises on my knees, my muscles are sore, my brain is fried, and my car needs an oil change, but I feel alive and well despite the dreary weather outside and the purple frosting lodged inside my cell phone.

Hopefully I'll be able to finally fall asleep, maybe watch "Taxi Driver" for funsies, and have dinner with some fancy gents and ladies this evening.

I wrap on Sunday, whenever we finish, and then I'll be back in PBG to resume bidness as usual.