You'll need to know these guys

It has come to my attention that you may not be privy to the great becoming.

Here are three dudes you need to know about, 'cause they about to BLOW UP.

1. Andrew W. Jones
Yes, it's true. He's on fire. Frank DanCoolo: Paranormal Drug Dealer is chugging along on the festival circuit and is now available for purchase on IndieFlix. Now, Mista Jones is raising the bar with a musical called Doctor Glamour. I'm super excited and you should be, too.

2. Brett Ryan Bonowicz
Have you even SEEN the trailer for Comedian at the Friday? Come on. Get with the fuckin' program, ya big dummy. You're makin' us all look like fools out there. Get your copy like yesterday-ish, even though I don't think it's even done yet. WHATEVER. And Brett's got something new comin' up, you'll not want to miss it.

3. Chase Connor
This UCF graduate student is about to melt faces with his thesis film Less Lost. He's still on the look-out for donations, tax-deductible, 'cause that's how he roll. I've made my donation and plan to make another one. Have you?

Why am I telling you about these people? Because they're personal friends of mine, and if you're a personal friend of mine, you're pretty much made of angel wings and the laughter of children. You're golden. I also believe in the talent of these fine bitches and plan to invest in their futures, whether it be through my time and effort or through that shit I usually buy food with. And so should you.

Personally, I would much rather wear jeans that don't fit perfectly and eat Ramen with ketchup for a couple of days, if that means I can help my friends' creativity come to fruition. We're in this shit together, my friends. Suck it. Let's hug it out.

I'm movin' to New York. Big whoop, wanna fight about it?

August 27 -- the last day at my job.

August 28-31 -- looking at apartments in New York.

September 2-25 -- working on my first feature film in which I am not an extra, but actually the lead. Weird.

September 27-October 1 -- one-way road trip to New York with Grose, hopefully stopping in and visiting some other fabulous and beautiful people on the way.

I have my monologue about how I came to this decision, but I won't bore you with it.

Oral surgery -- pretty much

Goo. I had some minor oral surgery last week and I've been whining about it ever since. Basically that tissue that connects my bottom lip to my gums was too short, so they fixed it. However, I hadn't anticipated that I wouldn't be able to eat anything but soups and oatmeal, and swishing with the same prescription-strength mouthwash that people with gingivitis use. Awesome.

I've also been unable to smile correctly, therefore rendering me equally as helpless when laughing. I just hold my chin and lips, hoping I don't pop the stitches.

Those feet disgust me

I will say this once and I will never say it again: When I see feet in the dashboard of a car, I feel nauseated. I don't have an anti-foot fetish, but the way the toes poke out from the windshield of a car makes me want to throw up in my own hand and then throw it at strangers.

I hate melon/summer.

I don't like melons. Watermelons, cantaloupes, honeydew -- no, thanks. I always associate melons with summer, something I also detest. So when I'm forced to eat the pulpy, syrupy bullshit imprisoned in its deceptive rind, I can't help but imagine I'm eating fruit pulp infused with sweat. Melons are sweat fruit to me.

I hope this won't affect our relationship, because I treasure our friendship.

Enjoy your summer. I'll be crawling further into my fair-skinned-people cave. See you in the fall or the nearest patch of shade.

Flash mobs are my favorite

As much as I hate/despise/draw blood at the sight of "invisible theatre" or whatever you want to call it, I still love a flash mob. A flash mob is contained, brief, and doesn't really subject an innocent bystander to potential trauma; they just have to watch it or walk away. I mean, unless you call a group of people suddenly dancing to "Do Re Mi" in the Central Station of Antwerp traumatic. Then there's my all-time favorite. The Hammer Time Mob Dance:



For more of that related bullshit, check out Improv Everywhere's YouTube channel where they literally just fuck with people's days. Like "Best Gig Ever." They found a random band from out of town, grouped 30 to 40 members of Improv Everywhere, memorized the band's music, made homemade T-shirts with the band's name on it, conjured too much enthusiasm and tricked the band into thinking they actually knew who they were and gave a shit. After a year or two, the band got over it, but it kinda crushed their souls for quite a while.

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So, Friday begins the marathon traveling. This weekend I'll be bumming around Manhattan. That following Wednesday, it's off to London, to hopefully see The Black Atlantic, Keb Darge, and ride around in a paddle boat with Janine. I'm not going just for that, I'm just hittin' that G-spot of awesome coincidences, I guess. If you happen to be in either of these areas and would like a hug, a high-five, a beverage, or a culinary adventure, you know what's to doin'. Don't be shy. You guys are so shy.

Begin ignoring my texts, phone calls, and Facebook messages in 3 ... 2 ...

Adventures abound, betch

I've procured my ticket to New York in June for the World Science Festival and catching up with friends that can bear my presence for small periods of time. If you're in the area June 4th-6th and you've got some extra cash-cash, let me know. Here's a short list of the things happening at the Fest that weekend that I would love to attend:

Saturday
LIGO on View (Laser Interferometer Gravitational-wave Observatory) Interactive
Free all day

Mathemagician and the Mathemagician's Apprentice
No, fuck this, I hate magic of any kind.

Einstein, Time and the Explorer's Clock
(delicious time)
12:00-2:00

Illuminating the Abyss: The Unknown Ocean
(I'll use my running shoes to make this one)
4:30-6:00

Hidden Dimensions Exploring Hyperspace
8:00-9:30

Sunday
Street Fair!
Free all day

LIGO on View (Laser Interferometer Gravitational-wave Observatory) Interactive
Free all day

Astronaut Diary: Life in Space
11:30-1:00 for free

When I get back to Florida, on Wednesday I'll be heading out to London to watch the World Cup on the TV in a pub somewhere. We also hope to visit the Horniman, take a Duck Tour, the Hunterian, Crystal Palace Park, Hyde Park, Parliament Hill, The Wolseley, and/or the Old Operating Theatre Museum & Herb Garret.

Or I may just eat too much Indian food, drink too much, pass out while somehow still sitting on a stool, and then throw up in the water closet where we're staying. Over and over again.

I can't wait.

Oh, I've also been called for jury duty the week after I get back from London.