Why I can't trust you with anything important

or let's just say anything at all, regardless of importance, relevance, or weight.

1. Because we'll plan something and then somehow you've overbooked yourself or forgotten about me completely, so I'm stuck standing around with my thumb up my butt in a Target. Which, don't get me wrong, is fun in itself, but Target is like happiness -- it's best when shared. And then I start overbooking myself and flaking out on you. A great man once said "I eat because I'm happy, and I'm happy because I eat. It's a vicious cycle."

2. Because you take the weirdest off-the-cuff shit I say out of context and then use it as ammunition when I'm not there to defend myself. Just because I once remarked that I "would punch a baby in the face if it meant I could have telekinetic powers" doesn't mean that ... no, actually, depending on the age of the baby and the velocity of the punch, I would do that. In that instance, you would be correct.

3. Because you know how easy it is to embarrass me. Seriously, mention how much I like that scene in "The Two Towers" where King Theoden says "Dark have been my dreams of late" around a sizable group of people, and I turn the color of an eggplant. (No, I'm not a "Lord of the Rings" girl, but g.d. it if I don't love that subplot. "I know your face." Aaahhhh, come on!) Since the dawn of time, I've always been easy to embarrass and you've always abused that power and it makes me feel like the Pillsbury doughboy. I'm sure his tum-tum gets sore from all the poking eventually.