The end of that conversation

My lady co-workers are wonderful. I'm lucky to have these ladies in my life. They're hilarious, quick-witted, beautiful, and all the things a working professional lady should be. Oh, and with the mouths and minds of sailors. Mmmyes.

But the three of them are married/engaged. And they would really like it if I started dating dudes at work. They would really like it if I started dating at all, but preferably someone chosen and approved by them.

No.

No, I will not.

I will not do this thing that will fill you with such excruciating joy.

Yes, people date. Sometimes they go on blind dates set up by friends, they go on the Internet and use Web sites that evaluate their personalities via mathematical algorithms and match them with compatible people. A couple of my friends have done this and have met people the old-fashioned way -- frat parties. Half the time it works and lasts, the other half of the time, they're getting drunk texts that result in "UR LOSS, ASHOLE/BICH!!11!!!"

Do I have an interest in doing any of these things?

Nope. Sir, I do not. And, yeah, I know that's not an acceptable answer. But I'm at a point in my life in which I do not desire to "put myself out there," to get out there and "meet people," people meaning dudes. Don't want.

The lady co-workers tease me when I blush, which is literally on the hour. Especially when it's induced by a nice-looking fellow that happens to be walking to the bathroom.

They wanted to know what guys I found attractive and anyone that knows me can attest that that would take DAAAAYS. DAAAAAAYS... I find lots of different, arguably weird, things attractive.

But here goes.

And that's just the most rigid I can get with outsides. But I've always been pretty flexible. Don't even get me started about the insides of people that I find attractive, though. So, there, THERE IT IS. If you happen to find this kind of person, keep him away from me. I want nothing to do with him right now.