You hold the nail, I'll swing the hammer

After being a hermit for a few weeks, I was able to get out and be around people. Handshakes, slow dances, and in one weekend riding four different airplanes are great for sharpening those courtesy skills I love so much.

Went to my friends' wedding, got to dance to some sweet jams on the effing Queen Mary in Long Beach. Slow dances are nice, even if they're just to be polite. I'm not sure if this is just our crowd or if something has changed: When the bride geared up for the bouquet-throw, the single ladies begrudgingly lined up to "catch" it, heads bowed, heels dragging. I stood in the front of the group and thought "You can suck a bag o' dicks, Bouquet." None of us wanted to catch the thing. The bride threw it and I watched it soar over my head and land straight into the crossed arms of one of our happiest-to-be-single friends. Defiant in her stance, the flowers still managed to land and remain nestled betwixt her bosom and crossed arms. Epic. She's not a superstitious girl, but was she salty (not to mention wicked trayshed) for the rest of the afternoon!

Also, I remembered how much I love guys in vintage suits. Tweeds, suspenders, what-have-you. Anyway.

This week, I went to a show because it's been a while and I got to meet up with a past co-worker who helps manage a couple of the bands.

If I have friends who have friends in bands, sometimes I will be introduced to them. Although they shake my hand firmly, make eye contact and genuinely ask about my day, I still know I'll probably never see them again, and that's a bummer if they turn out to love the same planet that I do or enjoy Thai food as rabidly. But the conversation is nice and it's comforting to see them as real people.

Now about those flights:

I had a crying baby pre-take-off on three out of the four flights, but they always passed out after take-off, which is still quite a mystery to me.

There was a woman next to me who was afraid of other people's germs and had two small plastic containers with clear fluid in them, fluid I will assume to be alcohol. When anyone would sneeze she would cover her face with a handkerchief, no matter how far away they were to her seat. You can bet she probably wanted to throw up her vitamin water, cranberry juice and "clear fluid" beverage when she heard the baby behind her coughing to its heart's content.

There was a woman on the flight directly home who had been laid off from the automotive industry, so she decided to go back to school for health management systems and technology. Her brother had a stroke recently, so she's been in Cleveland for quite a while, hanging out with him. This would be her 5-day getaway back to Florida, where she spent many years. And if I remember correctly, her sister is going through a horrible divorce. Yes, she told me all of that.

I met a guy who had a degree in economics, but decided to go back for more debt and a graphic design degree. He had a tome for After Effects and sat highlighting passages he may need for his training session the next day in San Diego. He wants to work in film. I told him that the TV show "Psych" is shot in Canada instead of the scripted Santa Barbara. His eyes bulged through his Coke-bottle glasses. He said he was reading over my shoulder and wanted the deets on the book. He didn't say "deets."

P.S. If that effing killer whale had an S in his given name, his name would be an anagram for "I must kill."

The Crafting Issue

I've been making lots of things this month and it's barely mid-month.

I finished the second version of my fascinator. Poppy made by this lady.


I made Paul a hat!


I gave away a bunch of hats, some of which were exchanged for money. Whoa. Crazy. I know. I also helped play Cupid. It was heart-swelling(?). They're already dating, but sometimes it's nice to let someone know that he or she is still very special. The end.

I'm also about to embark on a terrifying adventure involving sheer fabric, lots of tape markers, fabric glue, and ribbon. Here's the outline with which I'm working, minus the squares beneath.

There's just a grid of 1'x1' squares underneath so I can figure out what the hell I'm doing. I'm so scared/excited/scared some more that it's going to look like crap. But you're all cheering for me, I'm sure. You're all so lovely. It's going to be a huppah for my friends' Jill and Josh's wedding in a few weeks.

Friends, I'm interested in finding new blogs, about random things. I don't have to know them personally. You don't have to know them personally. I've already got what feels like a crapton of blogs I follow, but I'm always looking for more. Suggestions? I know there are whole communities out there, just not sure where they're hiding.

I was also pointed to a couple of blogs that reviewed Frank DanCoolo: Paranormal Drug Dealer in the wake of the Boston Sci-Fi Fest. Thanks to Soresport and FilmForager for their kind words! Next month: Gasparilla in Tampa! If we screen during the weekend, I'll go.

This weekend: LA wedding on the Queen Mary. Party.

And finally, here are two true friends. You do things for your friends when they're sad. So do these guys. That's all.

Reality TV has melted my brains

Here's the other 75%. What would happen if we switched the genders on shows like "The Pick-Up Artist" and "Tough Love"?

"The Pick-Up Artist" teaches "socially inept" males how to stop being awkward and find their confidence when interacting with females. (I'll save you the trouble: it involves a big fuzzy top hat and a lot of "Let me get a lady's opinion" questions.) It doesn't promise them the perfect girl at the end, just a way into meeting a metric ass-ton of girls (and keeping them on speed-dial friend-mode "just in case"), but hopefully leading to a fulfilling relationship when they're ready. I guess? Probably not.

"Tough Love" is just a matchmaking show. Some to most of the girls end up doing the "I think I'm falling for you" face for the one and only guy they were matched up with on the show. They're put in situations that tell them not to rely on their looks for attention, that it's not acceptable to be single your whole life, and that the older you get, the less picky you should be. Wait. Maybe not that, but something similar. Someone else want to weigh in on that one?

But what about a show that showed socially inept females how to get over being awkward and meet a bunch of guys? Is that trait somehow cute and worth perpetuating? Being an awkward female isn't cute or funny in real life, only in movies. I mean actual awkward, not the trendy awkward everyone's got such a boner for right now.

And through my observations and research, if "Tough Love" was made with males, a date would walk through the door, some of them would take one look at her and say yes or no. This would go on and on all night long until the producers found somebody "hot" enough. If he doesn't like your outsides in the first 30 seconds, the end. This is what I've learned; if I'm wrong, please discuss it with the group.

That said, shows like "The Bachelor," "Rock of Love," and "Flavor of Love" crack me up. The guy already knows who he wants, but the TV audience (mainly other women) are given the assumption that he's actually giving each girl a "fair" chance at "love." So the show is dragged out for months and gobs of money are made. So it goes.

But(!) I'd like to think there are more people out there like Henry Rollins. I'd like to think he wasn't lying when he said "I want a woman who can sit me down, shut me up, tell me ten things I don't already know, and make me laugh. I don't care what you look like, just turn me on. And if you can do that, I will follow you on bloody stumps through the snow. I will nibble your mukluks with my own teeth. I will do your windows. I will care about your feelings. Just have something in there."

And on this Valentine's weekend, I leave you with a tale of love and a space mission. And Carl Sagan. NPR: Carl Sagan and Ann Druyan's Ultimate Mix Tape

P.S. "Frank DanCoolo: Paranormal Drug Dealer" was given an encore presentation at the Boston Sci-Fi Film Festival.

On honesty, kinda

I feel like at some point in human history, humans were honest with each other. And then something happened, the result of which is what we do to each other now.

Here's an example of when honesty pays off, so to speak.

Don't tell me you wouldn't bang Zooey in her dad's car while he was upstairs at the chiropractor.

This is an example of when it's too late to be honest, and after you've already been caught.

I think this example is more of what recent generations considers honesty, but veiled honesty, because you're not the one saying it. Petey Gabriel is. I'm sure you have the visual in your head, so here's just the single. On "Modern Family," this was re-created, but with a smart phone. Sigh.

I thirst for knowledge. I just want answers NOW, so I don't waste my time. But I can't have them. Even if I asked. Even if I begged.

This is what I imagine most guys are thinking (or this). Friend Ian thinks this is the "meanest.song.ever." but I think what he means is "best.song.ever."


And lastly on honesty: In my limited studies of humanistic traditions, ignoring someone has never been an acceptable form of telling them you didn't want to speak to them anymore, but we do it every day. We know it's mean, but we do it anyway. "If somethin' comes up, then it must come out."

For Chris

Chris, you will be greatly missed. May your inherent bad-assery live on for centuries upon a millenia.


Please remember that you affect a life every day. For the positive or for the negative. I hate to be cheesy, but seriously.

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Unrelated, I finished another video. It's called "Saccharine." The password is "cavitysearchandseizure". You're not really supposed to like it, I just thought it'd be something to assuage your boredom or restlessness.

On etiquette and courtesy

Working in the corporate world, I've noticed more than just the sharp-dressed men, the cubicle farms, and caffeinated beverage breaks. I've also noticed the greater presence of etiquette, courtesy, and, yes, chivalrous behavior. Before you roll your eyes, this is not a post about bashing chivalrous behavior. It's really not.

I have my own brand that I use, but only out of habit. At my last job, I was introduced to every single person in my department individually and I noticed that I ever-so-slightly did a curtsy. Yes, you're allowed to laugh. I still do it. I will shake the person's hand, regardless of gender, with adequate strength and make eye contact, BUT afterward I will tilt my head and eyes down the tiniest bit and then somehow my left foot trails around my right foot into a baby curtsy. Why do I do this!? I have no idea. I just love the idea of the curtsy/bow. The lower you bowed, the more respect you were giving that person.

It's the same idea with applauding -- the higher you raise your clapping hands, the more you enjoyed the performance. Not counting the screams of approval.

In any case, because I'm one of the younger ladies at the office building, I had to get used to the previous generation's habit of door-opening. And I'm essentially not really allowed to hold a door open for a man, even if I beat him to the door and was holding the door open for other people before him. I usually get the "I appreciate the effort" smile, and they usually put their arm above my head to hold the door for me. It's semi-awkward, and it happens rather frequently. I like holding doors open for people! So now I just time it, smile, and thank the person.

I enjoy being courteous, but people just won't let me. I read of another woman who's kinda confused about what to do these days.

There are two different reactions to the behavior, one of which can be seen in the comments on the blog "Man of Exception." She's an idiot, though, so. Whatev.

However, this opinion piece is my favorite that I've come across so far and the explanation of why he does it makes my face do the smile thing. It's called "Chivalry: Not dead, just in intensive care." Granted, it's 8 years old, but I think it's still relevant and poignant.

I also believe that if you took the time, effort, and monetary hardship to earn a Ph.D., M.D., or something equivalent in the field of education, it's important to acknowledge a person as "Dr. Thompson," etc. I know, they hate it because it's stuffy, but I think it's respectful. I also call boys "sir" and girls "ma'am." Get over it, the lot of you.

I want to go to there

There are two things that I feel compelled to do in June:

1. Attend the last two days of World Science Festival 2010 in New York.

2. Travel to London the weekend that England plays in the World Cup. Yes, I know the match will be in South Africa, but come on, London is going to be a shithouse-riot-on-fire sandwich party! And Janine and I have friends we can go bother during the day. So it goes.

Here's the potential problem: World Science Festival will be June 5th and 6th. London trip will be the 10th through the 14th. Don't stifle the laughter, you're right, this is batshit.

I don't think it's crazy, but I do see the "Hey, do you think that's the best idea?" argument. Please, someone talk me out of it. I love when people try to talk me out of things. It keeps me regular. It might actually cause me to change my mind. I need to hear both sides of the record, so to speak. London is an all-systems-go deal. I'm definitely going to that. But can you imagine? The World Science Festival!? Has anyone gone? Does anyone else want to go? I figure if I have the cash, the means, and the weekend in which to do it, why not?

This was the main selling point. This is an excerpt from a program last year called "Notes & Neurons: In Search of the Common Chorus." Enjoy the video, fellow nerds:

World Science Festival 2009: Bobby McFerrin Demonstrates the Power of the Pentatonic Scale from World Science Festival on Vimeo.

I know it'll be different from last year, but I'm sure to have an inexplicable time. I'll probably just get a hotel. Begging friends for lodging is so uncouth and slightly inconvenient.

Watch out, I'm watching "Kinsey" tonight!

P.S. I've gotten into the habit of blogging daily and I find that that habit has diluted my content and has also made me have verbal diarrhea. I'll keep quiet until I've got something "smart" to say. Any suggestions are welcome. :)

flotsam and jetsam

Can someone explain to me when it became appropriate to make entries in UrbanDictionary.com that were about someone's significant other as a definition of perfection? Try it.

Enter your first name into the search and you'll see it. It's retarded. There are two pages of people saying how great Priscillas are. Some were kinda funny, but then I realized all girls are the same: don't get on her bad side, she'll bring you good luck for the next 740 years, and she kinda scares you, but in the good way. The dirty dozen of my blog followers will have the biggest ego stroke of the day with that. That's what I'm calling you. My dirty dozen. Who wants to be Proof? Ehhh.

Things are still a little frizzle-frazzle right now, so here's some funny/awkward/awesome from the day:

The Bullet Dodger

I was out sick on Friday from work. I missed what happened. Twenty of our best and brightest were laid off. Twenty faces with twenty families, perhaps twenty children, and maybe even twenty houses. All scattered. This morning I was called into our editor-in-chief's office, and the door closed behind me.

I would not be laid off. My job title would change and a small pay raise would be implemented. It was a new position that they recently created in light of our new-found SEO fanaticism and desire for a solid keyword taxonomy.

So, I don't know what the responsibilities are yet, but continuing to be a copy editor is one of them. Guess what my new job title is.

CONTENT LIBRARIAN

I just can't get escape that word, can I? "Librarian." Granted, I consider the title a GUARDIAN OF CONTENT, A SENTINEL OF TEXT, A GATEKEEPER OF KNOWLEDGE. Yes, in all caps, that's how it goes.

Although unrelated, the term reminded me of a certain principle: In the same vein as a business, you have to decide what kind of audience you want in order to achieve your own success. And, if you're not attracting the right audience, consider all the variables affecting the perception of your product. I'm saying if it's not getting you what you want, but you believe in the product, consider altering your packaging and altering your approach.

Take Lady Gaga for instance. For all intents and purposes, she was just another singer/songwriter from Yonkers trying to make her way. But it wasn't until she went clinically insane, decided that her credit score didn't mean shit, and built an alter ego, that she found the success she always fantasized about. The product never changed, but her approach and her packaging gave her the Wow Factor.

I posit that the same principle can be asserted in "dating." Your thoughts? I'm not saying change who you are, but take a look at what kind of bait you're throwing to figure out what kind of fish you want to catch.

Don't like the fish? Get new bait.
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Oh, Anna Karina. You so pretty.